he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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