i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize