the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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