Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
