dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
