hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
