I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
