why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
