walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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