Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
