So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
