exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
