she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
