You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
