You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
