here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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