i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
