i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
