Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
