You just made me feel so damn special
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize