You just made me feel so damn special
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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