I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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