If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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