just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
