The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize