Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
