i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
