I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
