6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
