she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
