Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
