he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
