I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
