Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
