i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
