It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
