areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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