she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
