I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
