I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
