Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
