new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
