She said her name was "party"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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