im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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