Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
