i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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