last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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