Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
