I can tuck mytits in my pants
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
