ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
