I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
