So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
