Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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