i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
