Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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