shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shame - the story of my life.
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