He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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