No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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