I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sext me about skeletons
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
