I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Welp...herpes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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