sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
