Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
