he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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