Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
