wakey wakey hands off snakey
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
