it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
